I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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