there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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