i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
