just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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