I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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