there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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