Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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