I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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