I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
