Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
