it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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