I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
