tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
