I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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