omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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