No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
