does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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