We're facebook friends in real life
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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