Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
