she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you inspire me to be a worse person
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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