Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
