rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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