I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
