I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
