i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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