I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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