I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
