his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
