I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
