We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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