Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
