I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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