Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
