I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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