so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
