Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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