yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
