my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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