East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?