Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration