i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick