Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.