You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Every concussion has its silver lining
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.