Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
