You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
