You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
