My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
