god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
