I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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