Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
