Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
