Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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