I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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