I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
