those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
