I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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