final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
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ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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