So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
