My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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