Where is the hickey?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
