piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
