As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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