why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
