Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
